“One thing I can say is that I have a greater understanding and awareness of alcohol, it can be good but boy it can be bad. There are support services and groups out there that really have made a difference to my life. I’ve also made some friends along the way and see life a little bit differently than before, which is a good thing”.
Read Dan’s story as part of #AlcoholAwarenessWeek24
Dan’s Story
Having had a family drinking alcohol around me from a young age it made it seem normal and socially acceptable. It helped people relax and have fun. I remember people telling stories of friends and family members having too much to drink and laughing about it. Christmas, Birthdays and special events were times to drink in excess and this formed a foundation for my future drinking.
I started drinking around 14 at home and as I turned 16 I started drinking with friends, going to the pub after school and clubs at the weekend. I didn’t really have an off switch and would drink probably a bit too much. Looking back, I was quite a shy person, and the alcohol made me more confident but also put me into positions that I shouldn’t have been in. I also dabbled in recreational drugs and see myself lucky that this did not escalate in my younger years. I was young in the late 90’s and early 2000’s and had a great time going clubbing but realised that things couldn’t continue.
I’m fortunate that I went to University and have a good career working in the NHS. During my time at University, I continued to drink, and this carried on but mainly on weekends. I fell in love and got married and had kids with my wife and everything was fine. I didn’t at that point really have concerns about my alcohol intake. Things changed in 2019 though, I’d had an allegation made against me at work and then COVID happened. Without going into the allegation too much it put a great strain on me. I was working through COVID at the same time as working in ITU and my mental health took a turn for the worse as the allegation took 2 years to resolve (everything took a lot longer during covid, but everything was cleared) and the Covid Pandemic continued.
One of my unhealthy coping mechanisms was to drink alcohol in tandem with a healthy one, running. This gave me an equilibrium to function which I did. This was only the start though; I was drinking so much that it became a habit. I drank 6-7 days a week, this started off with wine and beer but later I moved onto vodka. Why Vodka I thought, I don’t even like the stuff and had never really drunk spirits. It was later that I understood. My body was dependent on alcohol and had built up a tolerance. For me to continue functioning as I did, I could get more alcohol in smaller amounts without my family knowing. What a disaster! It only got worse, I then just brought Vodka and this continued.
People were starting to notice things were wrong. I knew too, I worked in the NHS and decided I needed to do something, so I went to my GP and discussed my alcohol intake. I didn’t tell my GP the truth though as I was ashamed, and she thought I was ok and I may be depressed. There was some truth in this, I had been through a lot of trauma and I didn’t really want to talk about it. I was great at helping other people, but not myself.
After finally sitting down with my wife and being honest with her I decided to self-refer myself to Reach, a community-based drug and alcohol service. With the help of them I was able to have the support to stop drinking and this worked for some time. However, I did start drinking again. This time I went to an AA meeting, I stuck with this for 4 months and I didn’t drink but I felt it wasn’t for me, so I decided to touch base with a local counsellor that specialised in alcohol misuse. This was probably the best thing I ever did. It enabled me to talk, talk properly and be honest with myself to another human being. I explored myself and why I had used alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Looking back, it makes so much sense why I started dinking excessively but it wasn’t until I reached rock bottom that I knew I had to do something seriously about it. It can creep up on you and before you know it things can turn horribly wrong. My rock bottom will be different from everybody else’s as it’s a personal journey. One thing I can say is that I have a greater understanding and awareness of alcohol, it can be good but boy it can be bad. There are support services and groups out there that really have made a difference to my life. I’ve also made some friends along the way and see life a little bit differently than before, which is a good thing.
It can be quite humbling. Will I drink alcohol again? I’m not sure, only I can decide that there is no black and white answer. Take courage in the thought though that it doesn’t always have to be bad times but when they outweigh the good you may want to consider making some changes.